Right now, suddenly, i started thinking of something my friend Arief, javanese engineer, used to tell me about: sandwich pannels and their buckling (engineer's proselitism...sandwich pannels, finite element and Richard Feynman in the case of this friend of mine). Thin core, thick core, different buckling...how wonderful (i stil keep that paper you sent me!!but i keep the badly printed version) Something is indeed happening inside me to think about such things now, on a tuesday morning. I also buckle....my soul buckles. it might have the same structure of some sandwich pannel...who knows...nobody has seen souls. But i feel my soul is buckling since yesterday. Assaulted by deformities of all kinds, i accept them and love their inner beauty. deformed reality, deformed ear, deformed soul-structure, deformed strength and words, and voices.
Movies, coincidences and songs save me and prevent that buckling from being irreversible, cronical. Listening to Alphaville and Missing Persons (both from the 80es)...coming across songs i'd have never imagined they existed. Then, Blow up by Antonioni is the movie i'm waiting to watch. The way i got to know it dates back....uhm...a couple of years ago. it was in an article about Serge Gainsbourg (nothing to do with "blow up")...and Jane Birkin...or was it an article about Jane Birkin in which S. Gainsbourg appeared? Anyway...that Antonioni's movie was mentioned. Other elements to be related with that movie had introduced themselves before or were to introduce themselves later.. hi! i'm X or Y element!. Julio Cortázar is one of these early elements. He's been and is still is one of my favourite writers and one of his short stories was part of the inspiration for "Blow up" ("las babas del diablo", which i haven't read). The late elements were Herbie Hancock (soundrack), by whom i have heard some strange song named like an ex- boyfriend of mine (weird!)..and year 1966 (the year of that movie), with so many songs that have trapped me in the past (together with songs from the early eighties). All elements walk towards each other in my mind, and there's "blow up" embracing all of them. Ah! and there's also some deformity in the movie...in the way the main character perceives the art of photography. Imagining a movie...here i am imagining a movie. It's like with love...imagining but having no expectations, to avoid another buckling. And i play je t'aime moi non plus mentally...or i listen to it.
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